VLAD THE INHALER
.... Rupert ? Put Mummy on the phone, yes, get Mummy. No you can't call me Vlad, I'm your father ... well I don't care if you are six years old now ... Get Mummy .. okay, put Arpeggio on ... Arpeggio ? It's your father ... NO YOU CAN'T CALL ME VLAD I'M YOUR FATHER AND I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE .. I'LL USE MY OUTDOORS VOICE ... I'll use my outdoor voice if I want to, I'm your father .. okay .. what .. okay we're on speaker. What's that noise ? Rupert put down Daddy's inhaler put down the inhaler. You know the rules, no taking drugs that are prescribed for other family members. Last time you took Daddy's Ventolin you had seventeen puffs and started talking in German and ranting about Lebensraum and invading Czechoslovakia. Where did you learn German anyway, you were only three at the time? Where's your mother ? ... what do you mean she's in the kitchen practising tantric cooking ? There's no such thing as tantri